You are alone, but you are in good company

by — Jan. 19, 2002 (Comments)

I am alone for the first time in my life. Married at 17, divorced at 47, living with someone I met in the complex I moved into and then moving in with him 3 years later. I was never really alone until 57.

A complex world we live in to become alone at that stage of life. I find that a woman alone is taken by service people. Although there are some good ones, they have to make a living and want to make it the best way they know how.

First of all, you need to realize you are in control. Stay in control. Each situation will call for a different solution. You may not know what it is, but you can get advice, or you can figure it out. Yes, you can figure it out yourself. You have way more knowledge than you realize. The Internet is a good place to research a problem the TV is another angle to research. HGTV and other home and car repair shows can inform you so that you at least know what a service representative is talking about.

Cars, appliances and utilities are a mystery. So are tools. The first thing to do is become familiar with tools. They help solve the mysteries of life that we were never before involved with. For men that’s the kitchen tools. For women it’s the mechanical tools. As a woman, you need to know about screwdrivers (2 different kinds), hammers, putty knives and drills. Become familiar with what these tools can do. WD-40 is a boon to things that go squeak or are stuck. It is a staple item.

You must obtain recommendations. Friends and family will be able to recommend service people. Get to know these people before you need them. See if they are someone whom you can or want to do business with. Always seek a recommendation.

Relationships or dating is another area you probably will want recommendations. The times are not conducive to just meeting someone and saying, ‘hey, I like this person.’ Remember a lot of people liked the serial killer, Ted Bundy.

The communication between two people is a point that is missed the most. Sharing and caring is something that goes begging in an alone situation. However, you have a journal, you can share and care about yourself. I know it’s not the same, but you are wonderful, treat yourself as if you are. You can learn to take good care of yourself, just as you took good care of that someone else. You are an important and viable person that is needed and wanted in this world, although in a different capacity. At times you may not realize this, however, certain things happen in life to reveal just how wonderful you are. It’s a good feeling to know how much you helped someone else. You may not know this for a long time, but when they thank you profusely, you know you made a difference in their life.

What is the hardest, and the one thing that has never been mentioned anywhere, happens in the work place. When working with people that are 20 years younger than you are and they talk about what they are going through which are the very things that you went through gives you a nostalgia that is difficult to imagine. My first thought is wanting to help, but I can not because we all have to go through things and make our own mistakes to get where we need to be. However, remembering those times and those mistakes I lived and what solutions I took gives me a look back at my life. Where is it going from here? How do I live the future when I have no idea what the future is without someone else with me? Although at this point I am not sure I want someone else, how do I live alone? There are a lot of questions, plans and goals that must now be addressed. How do I address them? I do not have the answers yet. Stay tuned.

I know that I do not want less than a companionship. Men my age seem to want only what they wanted at 20. A relationship is what they say they want, but it’s not how they behave. The two men I have dated stopped calling because of that age old I wouldn’t ‘put out’ and I will not compromise what I believe for what I want (companionship and a solid relationship) in a long-term situation. Also, I will not sacrifice my family for a ‘boyfriend.’ My children and grandchildren are, after all, the only thing that is real in this world. Exclusivity with one person is fine, but not at the expense of my family. Remember the sharing and caring you had and would want again if possible. That is important and so is respect and honor.

Responsibility is more than just a word and must be considered as such. Responsibility is toward my body, my family and myself. No one should come between you and those things. If they try, it’s not real. You want real, not someone’s idea of what they think real, it isn’t. You end up hurt in many more ways than one, including financial. All other people only think of themselves (just as you should too) and what they can gain. They are not interested in what you really want (at least not at first, an awkward situation to get through) until and unless they and you get to know each other.

Take control of you and what you want and don’t settle for less. It is SO not worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT.